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Statistics can be a blessing and a curse. In 1948, statistics showed Dewey would win; but, alas, in fact Truman won. As for statistics being valid and meaningful numbers, some wise man noted: “Statistics are like bikinis – what they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.” When recreational golfers chart their stats they usually just consider fairways, greens and putts. All the professional golf tours keep far more extensive stats on player performance, which dig deeply into the effectiveness and efficiency of the best players in the game.
There are stats on “sand saves,” “3-putt avoidance,” a “par-breaker” stat, which is the ratio of birdies to total tournament holes played, “scrambling” ratio, which is non-GIR pars saved, and my favorite the “bounce-back” number, which is the frequency a player makes birdie following a double bogey or worse.
I confess that as I read through PGA Tour stats my mind wanders. C’mon who can relate to “holes-per-eagle”? Most chops play golf their entire lives and maybe have one eagle, when they bladed a shot over the green and it miraculously ricocheted off a ball washer into the hole for a 3. So I started thinking up more telling methods of tracking personal performance and behavior for everyday golfers. Here are some of my more unique and creative stats.
Panhandling ratio: probability of you begging your pards for strokes on the first tee.
Hangover rate: average score on morning rounds when nursing a killer hangover.
Hit-‘til-you’re-happy stat: the chance of a player declaring a first tee “breakfast ball.”
Face-savers: your percentage of good shots after whiffing or cold topping your ball.
Post meltdown scoring: score on next round after you’ve scored 14 over you handicap.
Post sandbag scoring: score the round after you just had a net 62; you’re not a 14!
Vanity ratio: total number of high scores which were not posted vs. total rounds played.
Gimmes: putts shorter than 20 inches that you get to pick up during a round.
Stupidos: putts that should have been gimmes you missed; often confused with “yips.”
Re-putt makes: second-attempt do-over putts that go in; yeah that second guy is good.
Bump-and-runs: number of other carts, stone walls, obstacles and curbs hit by your cart.
Risk-taking index: rounds played on your anniversary, Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day.
Whining chart: yelping on conditions, weather, hole locations. Cheese with that whine?
Pounding index: number of beers consumed per round; post-round suds double the index.
Suds-saves: number of (full) beer cup catches a round as your beer is exiting the cart.
Helicopter score: number of club throws per round minus penalty fines leveled.
Wing-and-a-prayer stat: average score over a dozen rounds without any warm-ups.
Shank-yous: number of solid, quality shots after two consecutive shanks per round.
Bear-downs: putts you made after an opponent snickers “get it close” as you set up.
Ironman or Wonderwoman index: number of rounds played in a year, over 200.
Driver-of-the-Month tally: rounds played per new driver. So many clubs so little time.
I’m sure there are lots more personal, odd and humorous statistics that you and your golfing buddies can come up with. How about starting a weekly league with competition in stats.
Dr. Charlie Blanchard is a licensed psychologist specializing in sports and leadership. Contact him at docblanchard71@gmail.com.
